Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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