I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
