i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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