He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
