I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He has the fingertips of a God
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