no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I AM VODKA MAN
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
