sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
