I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
