one two three fourrrrnication!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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