You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Then you guys just all showered together...?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
