So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We're too hungover to prance.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
