Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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