So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
