True but thats because hes a fetus.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
