he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
