Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
