Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
