his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
