my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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