so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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