I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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