i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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