I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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