the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize