Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
