his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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