i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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