I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
