I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
