i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You did what with his pubic hair?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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