there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
