My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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