i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You left your phone here
Wait...
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