Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize