honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
