When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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