just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I supernannyed him into submission
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
