My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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