Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
FUCK WHALES
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize