why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize