Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
