bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
