you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
birth control should be required to get into college
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
