Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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