We named our party play list daddy issues
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
