Umm I'm too high to move.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
