so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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