If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
