Welp...herpes.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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