she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
be right there i have to get my cape
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
