So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
