i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
