I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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