Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
