I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
