there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
