I am midnight drunk by noon
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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