ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
