If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize