babies were throwing up all over the place
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
