I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
