We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
