I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
