The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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