I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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