Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize