my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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