But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
